12-30 Icarus and I

Bruises on my back,

Out of fear he said.

What is it I fear? I replied,

curling into my bruises,

under the white sheets, stained,

with razor thin vines curling black,

red, from the needle piercing, the

pieces of my once-broken legs,

forming.

Bruises on my back,

Out of fear he said.

pulling the silver thread,

through his white teeth,
gleaming, hungry, cutting,

silver needle, flashing,

carved out eyes, craving,

Black feather down.

Black feathers, he held me,

Down. Silver needle,

Flashing.

Bruises on my back,

Out of fear, he said.

I fear what I love,

I replied.

whimpering into the pillow,

of his arms, hiding from,

the bright lights, always whispering,

blotting roses, from my eyes,

while screaming, into his hands,

what I love, suffocating,

 on the black feathered down,

silver needles flashing,

he held me,

down,

out of fear,

flashing.

Bruises on my back,

Out of fear, he said.

Why do I love?

Out of fear, he said,

pushing the silver needle,

through my arching back,

with his hungry teeth,

gleaming in the black bottom,

midnight, of my soles, flaking,

dripping dirt and ink onto,

the floor in a cradling lullaby,

of his hands, crooning, lips parting,

silver thread spinning,

flashing, silver needle spinning,

black feathers, he held me,

down, sewing, black feathers,

bruises on my back

out of love.

Why do you fear?

he said, grinning,

flipping me over,

tucking summer beneath his wings,

silver thread unwinding,

black feather’s unfurling,

pushing me,

off the table,

out of his arms,

out of love,

silver needle,

silver thread,

-again.

12-29 I Love You, Sometimes

I love you... sometimes,
but I love you,
Tater, love,

I do this, I did this,
out of love,
sometimes, but I get,
lonely, like you,
out of love, sometimes,
I do this, but I love you,
Tater, love

I place my heart in you.
I placed my heart in you.
I should have asked.
But I didn't, now you feel,
my heart placed in you,
when I should have asked,
but I didn't, because,
I need to be loved, sometimes,
when I am lonely, like you,
I need to be loved, but I do this,
out of love, and I love you,
Tater, love,

You placed your heart in me,
You placed your heart as me,
when I didn't ask,
I didn't want to ask,
now I feel,
your heart placed in me,
when I should have asked,
but I didn't, because,
I was afraid, I couldn't,
love you, sometimes,
when I am lonely, like you,
who also needs to be loved,
held, loved, but I do this,
out of love, and I love,
you, Tater, love,

I love you... sometimes,
but I love you,
Tater, love.

12-28 All The Little Birds

All those little birds,
say he-ey,
hungry rabid filthy beasties,
picking at my carefully spun
gold embroidered
spider-strung threads,
pulling and choking,
my precious music boxes,
precocious pantomiming,
beady-eyed bastards,
I've got eight legs,
tapping an appetite,
on the window,
where you play,
little birds...

12-27 Autumn Throws A Tantrum

I wouldn't follow me,
down this rabbit hole...

the woods I leave behind,
grow a hollow,
in my other heart,
I wouldn't follow,
me,
would you?

I've hung red ribbons,
on their branches,
lazy blowing, skeletons,
dry to swallow,
in the wind,
but I wouldn't,
if I were you, follow,
and hang, screaming,
in the hollow,
red ribbons flickering on the wind.

but if you do, follow,
be careful the amber sunset,
lanterns floating face up in my wake,
dark and shadowed laughter,
careful the gallow,
I create,
if I were you, though,
I would not,
follow,
and float these dreams awake,
to laugh in the darkening hollow,
shadows I create.

I wouldn't,
follow,

me,
but would you?

12-26 Mr. Behr Gets A Scarf For Christmas

Virginia, listen,
he said sweetly,
peppermint on his breath,
nutmeg in his beard,
eyes a-fire,
with the twinkle of champagne,
Virginia,
he said,
barely containing,
a chocolate kissed bowl,
full of a crashing dishes,
Virginia,
Yes.

12-25 Casual Words

traffic horns, blaring,

can't she see, I'm

trying not to listen,

trying not to hear,

two, 

date, 

you,

I tighten the leash on my dog,

frowning,

casual words in my champagne,

12-24 Advice For A Rainy City

and,
you know what they say about advice,
it's like ice,
dry-humping,
my whiskey,
this girl gets weak,
in the knees,
melting into your glass,
until,
the water-works of this rainy city,
distill the flavor,
of my sharp restless,
tongue,
but I'll toss this out there,
with a laugh,
yeah, with a laugh,
sunshine,
dripping from the last,
of those rain-strained dregs,
of yours,
just pour me another,
and this time,
babe-

hold the ice.

12-23 He Saw Red

I laughed.
I had too.
He was just a boy.
Trying to be a man.
What did he think,
of my already worn form,
unfurling on the bed,
in Christmas red,
ignoring his advances,
brushing them off,
with casual words,
and jabs,
avoiding the choice,
he so desperately
wanted me to be,
you'd laugh too,
oh sigh- boys.

12-22 Thoughts On A Dance

home,
as you are,
with me,
touch and laughter,
breaths dancing between,
home,
as you were,
still remembered,
the timbre of your touch,
the almost controlled laughter,
the breaths that never happened,
dancing between,
home,
as we are,
with you,
touching absent,
echoes of your laughter,
counting the breaths between,
dancing alone,
home,
as I were.

12-21 Left

in my eyes,
violins curl
from the dying flames
caressing the shadows
forming tattoos,
welts blossoming,
amber fire soft
and lush on my back,
watching me
always,
from the corner,
blind, his fingers find,
my shape un-forming,
into ashes,
left to smolder,
in the chiaroscuro
after-thoughts of his mind.

12-20 Red and White

like snow falling soft,
on your breath,
you were laughing,
like snow falling soft,
on your breath,

I wore gray,
to the red and white ball,
simple ribbons,
never did me wrong,
but red as bright,
is not my color,
and white, rolling my eyes,
is for weddings, and waiters,
and you,

like snow falling soft,
on your breath,
you were laughing,
like snow falling soft,
on your breath,

in my gray woolen,
glitter driven silver denim,
with matching boots,
sparkle dust in my beard,
dancing from one
button tight conversation
to another, all the while,

like snow falling soft,
on your breath,
you were laughing,
like snow falling soft,
on your breath,

I caught you,
beneath the mistletoe,
and jazz, laughing,
in red and white ivory,
gray eyes flashing,
never quite as simple,

as snow falling soft,
on your breath- laughing.

12-19 A Wrinkle In The Icing

I cleaned the dishes,
scrubbed the dried egg off,
while the rain washed the windows,
for me, watching,
two housewives,
taking the garbage out,
tying the bag tight enough,
so the banana peels don't slip out,
wiping the drippings off of the floor,
careful cleaning his pan out,
with soft utensils, as requested,
pausing for a moment,
to watch the finches gather in horde,
pecking at the smoked worm patte,
before picking up scraps of santa and
plaid paper and wiping up the remnants of
an evening smoke on his table,
when I noticed a wrinkle in the icing
on the gingerbread cookie I left at his place,
frowning, I went to look at it closer,
but the imperfections of my movement,
broke the head off,
I panicked,
thinking he would notice,
running the gauntlet of his responses,
in my head from the gentle back pat,
to the concerned smoking stick of his lips,
judging, the growling crescendo of a bear
in a honey's hive, or the indifference of a
stale cookie left to usher in the new year,
I panicked,
thinking he would notice,
the finches gathering again in their horde,
mewling at the window, the rain
slapping insults and hushes upon the deck,
the scraps of paper left on the table curling,
the balls of smoke blurring, smudging,
the eggs cracked and drying, and I,
a once-again house-wife,
a once-again house-wife,
sitting on the floor near the heater vent,
apron strings tied,
thinking he would notice,
the wrinkle in the icing.

12-18 The Sparrow And The Prince

from my hands,
the heart, cupped,
as a sparrow,
singing, low and soft,
into the night,
your soft brown eyes,
calling him,
calling him,
as your own,
but you've no hands,
to hold him,
you've no hands,
but feathers for fingers,
to sew as his wings,
but no hands,
how then shall he fly ?
why then should he sing?
my sparrow,
in the shadows,
of my palms,
without his wings,
how then shall he fly?
without his heart,
why then should he sing?
still your soft brown eyes,
call to him, sparrow,
they say,
palms open,
I wait for him to fly to you,
I wait for him to sing,
sparrow,
but you've no hands
to hold him,
no hands,
to sew his wings on,
I wait for him to fly,
I wait for him,
wanting him to sing,
but,
all I have to give him,
is a spool of silver thread,
and a melody,
without your hands,
I cannot fly,
without your hands,
I cannot sing,
but instead listen,
to your soft brown eyes calling,
a sparrow,
low and soft,
into the night,
hoping one day,
palms open, heart,
he answers back.

12-17 Sober

two twists of lemon rind,

squeeze,

five shots of vodka,

soda water, sprayed

ice...

4, 3, 2, 1

I am the fairy god mother.

I am the fairy god mother.

The prince has lost his tie,

and doesn't know where,

I found it, I found it,

Cinderella, Cinderella,

Stop the masquerade!

Every mask a glass paper,

wrong ball, ever-after,

can't begin till all,

return their hearts to me,

at the Grand,

hit it, sister,

1, 2, 3, 4,

Lucky, I am the fairy,

godmother, send, STOP,

I am the fairy,

raining ivory, from the sky,

I am the fairy,

shouting it out,

raining ivory, from the sky,

lucky to be a fairy,

raining ivory, raining, 

always raining,

SLAM!

phone dies...

ghosts of pbr past, enter,

beards as low gray brooms,

sweep tats and biceps,

off the voodoo floor,

lit the wind, blows,

low,

lit the wind, blows,

rustling fingers on the voodoo floor,

oh?

hugs, kisses, oh my's,

we are the sisters of the

midnight men,

stealing kisses,

hugs,

from the oh my's

of the midnight men,

we are the,

Fairy Godmothers

at the Prince's ball,

never the Cinderella,

buy me a bottle of wine,

slip me a glass, sister,

and we'll tell you,

how lucky we are,

to be

(bridge)

wait for it, 

wait for it...

raining ivory.

12-16 Catfight at the Man Store

the shark-man,

circling the store,

smelled blood

on my petticoat,

I flipped and flitted

about the shelves

as innocent,

as a clown fish

ignoring the looming shadow,

that smiled at me,

with hungry teeth,

you would look fantastic in tweed,

the shark-man said,

of course so would I,

he murmured,

looking longingly at the strip of 

golden amber fabric,

I won't cat fight you for it,

I squeaked, spitting bubbles,

his eyes lit up,

but I will,

and he grinned,

showing me a cavern of white shards,

gleaming in the dark,

I reached out to take the fabric,

concerned the way his eyes unspun

the amber threads that formed around my chest,

but soon ignored, for the vest,

was an adjective on me.

I gleamed, a flash in the recesses,

of this forgotten part of the sea,

he circled closer,

you should, I would, 

booming a silky bass,

behind my shoulder 

as if to bite of the buttons,

one by one that bound me,

I flinched, and turned around,

but he was gone, ripples tickling,

a shiver down my backside,

the vest came off.

12-15 Form

Conte crayon,
blurring a harshly,
driven line, bleeding,
through curves downward,
rust forming, torn,
hands softly,
coaxing, graceful,
circles undoing,
brushes stroking,
becoming,
curves, lines-
form


 

12-14 Mr. Snow and I Have A Conversation

the weather outside is frightful,
right?!
but the fire is so delightful,
hmmm,
but since there's no place to go,
it should,
stop,
please,
I don't know,
let it,
(sigh)
snow.

it's not me your kissing goodnight,
right?!
but you gotta go out in the storm,
hmmm,
but the longer you hold him tight,
(sigh)
all the way home you'll be warm...

that fire is slowly dying,
right?
and maybe it's time I was good-byeing,
hmmm,
but since there's no place to go,
it should,
well,
please,
maybe,
let it,
(sigh),
SNO-ow!

12-13 Laurelhurst Meat Market

you've got crazy,
unbuttoning down your chest,
in the casual bulge of your forearms,
gesturing wicked,
while you flash the waiter,
your pan-sizzling eyes,
ordering him up and down,
the meat rare,
thick, as you flick,
your thoughts,
sparking the
over flowing,
champagne,
into a frothy
cacophony
of a
boy.

12-12 Sugar Bloated Plum

I'm a sugar bloated plum,
waddling- fairy boy
wet with the morning,
after-dew encrusted,
should have eaten spinach,
but didn't codpiece in white tights blues,
da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, plop,
a half-hearted butter melting yawn,
sprinkled with silver, tarnished,
glittering, muted make-up,
cookie-cutter circles smudged,
under the eyes, hands reaching out,
to the fluorescent, all too-gether,
light bright cringing halo, of a perfect
flour-less swoop of a half-remembered-attempted step,
da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, braaaaagh, blart.
boo. fairy wand in plumped-over hand waving.
whatever-boo.

12-11 Slap and Tickle

slap.
not right and right not,
walked down an alley,
neon signs blaring rainbows,
christmas lights hung like nooses,
from  their eyes, when
tickle, slap, tickle
the ghost of the christmas past,
said He-ey,
oh no you didn't girl,
and slapped the shit out of right not,
while not right, smoked the tobacco stick,
green laughter curling from his lips,
tickle, slap, tickle,
it's for your own good,
he said zipping his leather up,
slap, slap, slap,
not so fast, sister,
the ghost of christmas present,
showed up with a hurricane of blizzards,
roaring the fury of a thousand sunrises,
blaring headlights into not rights eyes,
tickle, slap, tickle,
with this ring, I thee,
right not, laughed, and laughed, and cried,
and laughed, spanking the crazy,
out of his cocoa sprinkled eyes,
slap, tickle, slap,
it's for your own good,
when,
slap, slap,
what was that?
slap, slap, tickle
not right and right not looked at each other,
slap, tickle, slap,
where the fuck was that coming from?
then clap,
clap, clap, clap, clap,
a slow crescendo of a clap,
tickled the back of their spines,
and slap,
went their feet on the pavement,
running, laughing, running,
out of breath they stopped,
beneath a wreath strangled lamppost,
where snow fell,
not right shifted uncomfortable,
right not, looked up at the winding snow
the halo from the lamplight,
glowed dark around them into the night,
silence fell around them, breath frozen in pastry puffs,
slap,
not right hit right not's shoulder,
slap, tickle, slap,
right not smiled-

it's for your own good.

12-10 Kindred (Introducing Mr. Champagne)

if you ask me why,
today I will lie to you,
and point at the sky,
remarking, on the way
the snow fell, twice,
while I divert your attention,
with talk about angels,
snowmaking men,
but,

if you ask me twice,
today, I will hesitate,
looking away from,
your smile that wants to be,
careful, but can't hide either,
from your soft ,
almost sunrise eyes,
while I divert your attention,
with talk about sisters,
soul-catching their mountains,
but,

if you ask me again,
today, you might hear,
in the after-silence,
the small hush of my heart,
watching you walk away,
the tiddly-pom of it's beat,
whispering to me,
while I divert my attention,
with the first notes,

of an almost-forgotten winter,
song.

12-09 Uncomfortable

the day and I,
seemed,
at odds, as if,
the room shrunk it's corners,
and placed them where his arms should be,
he kept trying to hug me,
and hug me, and hug me,
and I, bruised easily, running into the corners,
so,
we stared at each other instead,
counting the hours till we,
didn't have to see we anymore,
growing impatient with our careful plodding,
a minute by minute pantomime of a routine,
that both hated-agreed upon,
but felt necessary,
to bite the illusion back,
that nothing had changed,
but yet,
something was different in the way,
he not-looked at me, and I side-backed at him,
something was off-odd,
and I itched to be gone,
but couldn't-
married, matched, and made,
so I lied next to him in bed,
and stared at the ceiling,
feeling his heat dry the skin out of my eyes,
forced into a crawl between his lips,
and prayed,
for the long impossible scratched out sleep,
to steal his breath away.

12-08 And It's Monday Again

Mrs. O'Hara sat at the kitchen table with me,
clicking her scarlet-drip-painted fingernails together,
musing with her wide mouth, eyes almost laughing,
looking pity at me and my curtain-less house,
the cold wrapped around my shoulders like
an ill-advised bought-out-of-passion stole,
sweetie, she said, putting down her steaming mug,
of southern comfort and bitters,
apple dripping from her words,
sweetie, tomorrow it will be,
Monday, it will always be, 
tomorrow, sweetie...
the stars that blushed in my eyes, sighed,
in bluesy sky-falling harmony,
right?! I said,
shrugging off my peppermint pink pinwheel moment,
with the ease and care,
of a once dreamed upon shimmering silver dress,
what are we going to do?
Mrs. O'Hara laughed, choking, on the effervescent,
champagne of her kissed-want me lips,
oh sweetie, what Can we do?

12-07 If Only In My Dreams

the champagne, effervescence,
of my hand, moving with my heart,
in song, a year ago,
make a wish,
snow falling,
in my head, in my hand, in my heart,
snow falling,
blow a kiss,
a year later, moving my heart,
with my hand, in the champagne, effervescence,
of a song

12-06 Sisters Of The Parting Glass

cinderella sisters,
ain't no pumpkins crashing,
at this after-party ball,
one could get used to our,
bibidee- bobidee- bam,
of drinking to heaven's-deprived,
Prince-o' the charming's last rain-stained call,
screw him and his glass slipper,
strike midnight in our patent leather heels,
order up some whiskey and teardrops,
for tonight we diva this princess west-o' the chills,
and if you should fall and I should rise,
well then sister, sweetie, I love you,
but get off your fairytale ass,
pick yourself the f'up,
order up another round,
drink to our health,
then slam down, and shatter,
your parting glass-

cheers.

12-05 Opening Night

it might have been the mistletoe...

or the way, his voice,
in the afterglow,
brought out in us a song,
how will we ever know,

Oh let it snow, please let it snow, yes, let it snow,

there was magic in the air last night,
our frozen flakes glittering in the sky,
when we heard his voice, the holy night,
the way he sang, to all good night,
the way he danced, with hands of light,
the sparkle in his twinkling eye,
the crisp white snap of his bow-tie,
the flash of silver when he sung on high,
and then...

champagne,

in the cold and bitter,
wind and winter sky,
you...

champagne,
and I,

it might have been the mistletoe...

oh let it snow, please let it snow, yes let it.

snow.

12-04 Rehearsal

nine,
flitting combat ballerinas bouncing,
eight,
shimmering, shammering, shimming, shazamming, sisters-of-agnus-dei
seven,
ways to sway, swoon, swan, snow, sally, say,
six,
measures of oh-my-god-just-breathe-through-the-magnum-oh
five,
men whirling, swirling, to the rafters, ringing, singing, hi-ya-hi-ya-hi-ya-
four,
comrades that ere I've known da-dahing champagne into their glass
three,
drummers beating out a rose on the holiest of nights,
two,
maestros waving maniacal mysterious ministrations of majesty-most-marvelous,
and
one...
reaching out his tiny hand...

Happy New Year!
(black-out)

12-03 Advice For Vincent

love,
I guess that is my advice,
love, though I feel a bit like,
Merriweather, or Flora, or Fauna,
my wand hesitates,
searching for a gift to bestow...
looking for storms,
but all I see in your future is sunshine,
It's enough,
to keep the dragons,
whatever they be at bay,
and a few dragons are healthy,
especially the kind that own bookstores,
reading into the dark of the evening,
with wire-rimmed glasses,
but I babble,
so sunshine and love,
what more could you want?
hmmm, let's do this,
beautiful boy, the gift I give,
is memory, in case you ever forget,
you are sunshine and love,
share it with the world, sweetie,
sing it out,
that's how it's done,
sunshine and love.

12-02 Gloria

I wonder,
if you walked the empty stage,
of the Newmark Theatre,
hearing, ghosts singing,
calling out your name,
a choir of footsteps,
rhythmically answering,
gloria, gloria.
Did you turn around,
to see if anyone was there?
Or did you continue walking up
and down dusting awake the aisles,
counting the notes in your palms-
were they all there?
When you felt his hand on your shoulder,
whispering, as he always has,
in your ear, a,
gloria, gloria,
I wonder then,
what you did?
How did you know,
it was him?

gloria, gloria,
deo.

12-01 Mele My Kalimaka, Right?

Glitz me,
glamour me,
babe, swing my hips,
sway to the gay,
play, way,
I say,

Stay.
Don't stray.
All these tropical holidays,
have me,
hold me,
swoon, fold, and sashay,
me, away,
but, you,
oh, you
continue to,

smack those lips,
crack those whips,
sleigh bells, hell, silver,
spangles, glitter, glow,
don't you know,
back to you, then to me,
then to you, and oh,
babe,

should I,
will you,
can you,
mele my kalimaka?

11-30 Laughter

There was laughter in the air,

Something different,

Something new to wear,

Laughter in the air,

I was laughing,

Walking down the square,

Something lighter in the air,

Had me walking down the square,

With someone new, with someone old,

A change of pace, a piece of gold,

There was me,

And I thought,

for a moment,

I heard laughter in the air,

for a moment,

there was laughter in the air,

walking down the square,

lighter than,

for a moment,

for a moment,

you were there.

Could it be?

Could this moment,

Really see,

Something new, a way,

For somehow to possibly be,

Could it now,

Could somehow,

Have found a way, today

 Somehow, someway, I carry, today,

 A  new familiar, tune, When I feel, the way I do?

Could it be,

For a moment,

Could it be,

You.

There was laughter in the air,

Something new,

Laughter in the air,

For a moment,

Something new,

Something familiar,

Was laughing in my ear,

Someone familiar,

Was telling me,

You were near,

For a moment,

For a moment,

Someone familiar,

Was laughing in the air,

Laughing, and I swear,

For a moment,

It was. You. 

11-29 The Prodigal Son

Thank you.

You gave it back.

Kinds of hurts though,

to feel it beating again.

I can feel your handprints,

frozen, around the edges.

Out of love, of course,

always out of love.

Thank you, though,

I missed, this, I missed…

There’s more I want to say to you,

but I am shy,

but there’s this thing you do,

when you,

the way you turn around and look at me,

as if to say, I had it all along.

I was a fool, kind of,

to give it to you,

but, you held it anyway.

Time has tempered your patience too.

I grew a new one in your absence.

I know you heard it,

All the way up here.

I couldn't help it.

Don’t be mad,

but it was missing this song of yours.

It needs this.

I need this.

Do you think we’ll be friends again?

I can feel yours beating through your chest,

You who loved me first,

I can feel yours.

You who loved me,

and let me love you.

First.

It does feel good to be-

Home.