09-29 This Is Why

while waiting,

for you to smile,

I saw, blue sky nothing,

in your eyes,

stink of summer’s,

lazy, bored, fuck-all,

playing

as if we could all see the storms coming,

as if we could all see the storms coming,

but it’s your smile,

that gives away the rain. 

09-28 You Wet Your Pants

You didn't have to touch me.

I didn't want you,

to touch me,

because you don’t know how

to touch me,

without,

touching me, wanting to touch me,

knowing you can’t touch me,

knowing you can touch me,

wanting to touch me,

makes you want,

to touch me, and you don’t

want,

to touch me knowing,

you want to touch me,

because,

you didn't have to,

but you,

did.

09-27 Boxes

Am I to blame,

for packing,

boxes of lighter fluid,

when most boys,

stack dishes,

between,

matching linen napkins,

taping ever so carefully,

their boxes,

putting them in matching boxes,

ever so perfectly,

in their garage,

boxes and boxes and boxes-

putting away,

for tomorrow, for the next day,

for the later,

ever so firmly,

in their,

boxes and boxes and boxes,

and boxes-

in the dark, waiting, in all their boxes,

soaking in butane, waiting.

09-25 Bad Chicken

you ruffle my feathers,
like a bad, naughty chicken,
laying eggs on Mondays,
when I need to make,
pancakes on Sundays,
bad chicken, bad chicken.

09-24 I Love You, Allie Wenzl

love,
you are,
home and heart to me,
home, love,
and heart to me,
wicked in the funny,
practical in the crazy,
attack of your heart,
at home, but you don't,
know,
if you can be,
crazy in the heart of
what I, love,
about you,
to me, home,
and heart, to me,
what I loved,
when you are,
home, the heart
is you to me,
home, love,
your heart,
is me to you,
love.

09-23 Order Me

something fruity,
something with bubbles,
not whine, not from the list,
from the tap,
if you want to,
tap this, like a dance,
in a glass,
keep it light, seltzer bright,
that's a strike,
that's a no,
no more
on the sugar, honey,
there's enough sweet money,
in this blow,
in this smile, in your smile,
you outta know,
I'll make you snap, make you bite,
make you regret,
like a crisp, after-thought,
from your lips,
so don't, that's a no,
forget these words,
forget these promises,
with apple-pear kisses,
to do me, drink me,
bottom's up, to the barrel,
don't baby, me
right,
out of sight, please, girl,
as if,
you could wish,
this Cinderella her night.

Babe-
just order me

something fruity,
before I pumpkin this midnight.

09-22 Petunia's (Reprise)

Izzy,
tell me your secret sweetie,
your fingers play the rain,
so lightly, dropping amber liquid, so lightly,
into your rainbow?
Oh, Izzy,

couldn't you have left us alone,
isn't it enough,
isn't it enough,
to be not-alone,
isn't it enough,
isn't it enough,
to be not-alone,

(growled the Behr with your ukulele),

smashing the same cookie twice,
the same cookie crashing,
twice,
oh Izzy,
isn't it enough
to drop amber liquid,
into the bowl,
smashing the same cookie twice,
the same cookie, crashing,
twice,
isn't it enough,
to drop amber liquid,
into the bowl, so lightly,
playing the rain, so lightly,
playing the rain,
oh Izzy,
so lightly,
playing the rain,

(whisper's Mr. Behr to Mr. Butterfly)- somewhere.

09-21 The Last Concert of Summer

the viola plays to the madness,
of rainbow flags on Broadway,
belting out show stopper,
after showstopper,
till the bathtub arena is plugged,
drowning, in it's artist's inked,
rendition of a castle forming Mary,
dancing in the sky,
roots forming, strangling her feet,
quickly into the woods,
dancing,
Mr. Behr, Mr. Snow, Mr. Sunshine,
she calls,
Mr. Behr, Mr Snow, Mr. Sunshine,
Mr. Valentine,
Leaf whispers to her ear,
paths and hands twisting,
her hair tightly into the night,
plunging the sky into stars,
screaming hands, palms, piercing,
flies the raven into a thousand butterflies,
blue fire and flame,
blue fire and flame-

lanterns hang aglow in the midnight of the tree,
Autumn arrives kissing her on the forehead,
the viola continues to play, snowflakes falling,
softly,
falling,
softly,
kiss the prince awake.

9-20 Self-Indulgent Rant

I've become the very thing.
I said I would become.
And that is, a Drifter,
as sexy as it seems,
the Drifter, or this other,
fairy, care-free soul,
is in control of me,
growing comfortable,
in his tenuous hold on
his life, malleable though his
skin is raw, sensitive to the touch,
he is beautiful, in his own distant,
disturbing, romantic way,
by becoming, what I want,
I've become this thing, this newness,
this capricious creation,
this, wet.

9-19 A Glass Of Wine

is it guilty,
to want?

a boy who sits pretty,
in conversation and patio chairs,
drinking glasses of red,
smoke-toasting,
the last evening of summer,
letting butterflies slip tongues casual,
between my fingers,
before bursting,
into shimmering,
fireworks of sea-green, blue

is nothing he says ever spoken?

09-18 When I Lost The Bedroom

piles, collect my stones,
piles, collect,
piling,
stacking, balancing,
collect our stones,
homaging- zipped
shut.

contained.
stacked.

leaning into,
wind stops blowing,
organized,
polished,

Pyre.

I flirt,
with the
box of matches,
vices lapping at my feet,
Red-beard, cousin, howls to the walls,
TO THE WALLS,
TO THE WALLS,

zipped shut, organized,
metal on leather on cedar,
stones,
falling in line, stars blink shut,
the horizon,
says no, embrace me, no,
embrace me, no,
embrace me, no,

I look up, to my mother,
white paint flakes falling,
collecting,
another ceiling fan,
another dragon,
curls around, bites it's tail,
settling into a snore,
collecting, piling, stacking,

TO THE WALLS
TO THE WALLS

why give me the matches?

9-17 Julia Childs Has A Hot Flash

Julia says:

while flexing her mussels,
one hundred and forty-four pounds,
beards-trimmed, soaked,
salivating salt,
down her forearms,

you can never have enough butter,

throwing a stick, on the hot pan,
casually melting into the steam,
curling from the small curves of,
her shoulders,
carefully rolling a massage,
of rosemary, garlic, and cream,
on a wooden, oiled,  cutting board,
husks, discarded to the left,
where they fall, bending over,
catching on her jeans,
worn like an apron,
tied, tight, she,
holds the lid down,
turning the heat up,
blue eyes waiting-


for them to scream.

9-16 The Last Five Minutes of My Day

Sometimes on the way home.

I swerve the car into oncoming traffic,
so I can fill my ears with the crashing,
screaming, glass smashing,
psalms to my hands,wrapping
tightly red white lights into bouquets,
blossoming on my face.

beautiful in the wreckage,

listening to the rain,
fall in geometric patterns,
deaf to the symphony of-

you.

09-15 Rent-a-Husband

So.
awkward question...

do you think you could loan,
me yours for a few hours,
but could he wear plaid.
I wrote down a few items
for him to mumble into my ear,
nothing of consequence,
for three hours,
while lying together,
on a couch reminding,
me how beautiful we are,
together? I haven't had
the time for proper,
introductions, meetings of something or other,
developmental exposition,
that would take, da-ays,
but it's Sunday night,
and I need a husband,
... I know, I know.

but can you blame me?

09-14 The House Where Sunshine Lives

ballerina in blonde,
twirling slowly,
caught,
in a perpetually,
growing house,
of wood and words,
flirting,
dragon eyes,
lazily,
flexing white flesh,
tapping claws,
spinning the glass between,
the skeleton ridges,
of her back,
in a gilded, tilting, mirror,


lost.
collect-
leaf.

09-13 I Wanted To Tie Your Tie

Let's be girlfriends!

tomorrow though,
tomorrow might be better.

Today:
I've gotta,
... scrape, paint, prime,
... get a new door,
... install car seats,
... go to the vet,
... steam the area rugs,
... wash the windows,
... start the laundry,
... peruse the junkyard,
... edit sixty pages,
... pack more boxes,
... brush the dog,
... work on few bids,
... fix the vacuum cleaner,
... pay the water bill,
and then,
my boy:

is coming,
has arrived,
needs too,

... eat dinner,
... look at a house,
... pack more boxes,
... scrub the walls,
... mull over dental paperwork,
... write another cover letter,
... find quiet space,
... meet my parents,
... have cocktails,
... paint the nursery,
... return the tools,
... clean the barbecue,
... call his mom,
... grab tacos from down the street,
... watch a documentary,
... talk about Christmas,
... talk about Christmas again,
... talk about Christmas,
oh and he's going to help
... scrape, paint, prime, power-wash,
... pack the boxes,
... hit the junkyard,
... fix the vacuum cleaner,
... walk the dog (twice),
... wash the windows,
and then,

we're might #%#% till Jesus blushes,

but tomorrow,
tomorrow will be great,
tomorrow will be fantastic,
I'm free after nine.

click.

09-12 What Hermione Said To Me On My Birthday

Have you met Voldemort, my toad?

three fingers fit in his mouth, try it,

cackling, don’t

feed him firecrackers,

or he might,

gather the tightening crowd,

explode—

bloated.

09-11 Because You Did

He's a nice guy.
He's really sweet.
I like him.

Death dangles in a perfume,
between your lips,
you roll,
the dice casually,
between your sweating,
itchy palms,
watching the crow's
feet hop, hop, hop,

he wants, he wants, he wants,

butterflies in the rain,
crack a rolling stampede of thunder,
bringing your smile
a sea that never fades,
never fades,
never fades,
hands, drop, fermenting,
dice roll across the glass,

stop.

How could we not forgive
such a face?

Who taught you
it's okay
to shove your partner,
under the water,
and choke him,
choke him,
choke,
marveling at the bubbles forming,
forming, breaking, boiling,
a beautiful champagne crown,
forming around, his ears,
sparkling,

the last-minute flash of sunset,
who are you?

I like him. I do. I don't think.

Autumn arrives. whispering
to cedar tree boughing at his feet,
ten year old shadows of whiskey on ice,
spill...

who loved you so?

09-10 This Is How I Fall In Love

or
this is how you want to love me,
how I want you,
to love me,
with words,
first,
with words,
first smiles,
are for the beautiful ones,
tonight, not me,
laughter is for the friendly ones,
I know, not me,
don't you cry,
don't you,
mister,
for I,
am blind,
but if you speak,
speak with words,
first,
write the words,
first on your lips,
if you want to,
write a letter,
with your hands first,
when you speak,
and I will want,
I will want to love,

you.

09-09 You Missed A Spot

At fourth and thirty one p.m.
while waiting for my wings to dry,

I,
asked Jesus,

over for tea (ginger/ peach).
with homemade (gluten-free) biscuits,
served on silver and strawberry bone china,
no butter in the house (maybe he's vegan),
so the eggs in the biscuits remain,
unspoken for,
still,
he did not refuse,
blackberry "Joy" jelly,
how could he?
that, man to me,
I think,
has a sweet tooth,
to match a
not-so-innocent-baby-of-the-family smile,
spreading  honey (local) on his third,
carefully picking out the ants,
stuffing the whole, soggy, mess
into his mouth,
I caught,
a whiff of Patchouli,
sea salt,
while he blushed.

I wanted to pick the crumbs out of his beard,
but should I? could I?

I sat on my hands.

awkward silence encroaching,
(he is good at active listening, I am not)


rubbing my shoulder on my beard,
winking loudly,
I sighed.
Then I contemplated the chickadee picking at seed in the feeder,
Oh, for fuck's sake,
brushing the crumbs from him face,
rather harshly,
my wings flexing in the cramped space.

I wince.
He smiles.

you missed a spot

threading a silver needle between his palms.

09-08 Awkward

four weeks later...

what you two
are deciding,
is not about a house,
it is
a word choice,
for us,
you,
he doesn't,
but what do you want?
He.
is not sure,
so I
sit here
between the two of
you,
where you'd rather
be having sex,
than talk
about tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

I don't give a shit about tomorrow.
But you do,
and he...

well.

09-07 Two Gentleman From Portland

He plucks their roses so viciously.

I wonder...

if Shakespeare,
was a single, gay,
man,
to write so incredulously,
pretty, trite, catty, and witty,
on the cappuccino affairs,
of the heart,
of men and their hearts,
slow grinding the beans to perfection,
for the balanced cup of acid and cream,
only,

poets and scholars would
have you believe,
this Clark Kent facade
was inspired by the foundation of
true and earnest love,

but,
would a devout, honest man,
by mirage of the moon,
parley with men in their gardens,
with swords for affection,
appeal to his priests for potions of forgiveness,
childishly assuming only faeries could resolve the
afflictions
of his heart,

who is this delicious man,
who sits with me on a fair fall afternoon,
scratching at his beard,
pointing out two gentleman,
sparring over beauty,
as worth,
what do they know of desire?
(eyeing me over a cup of iced coffee)
forgetting,
the third, the always, the one,
who whispers to me,
watch this,
he says, casually,
ink stains on his fingers,
brushing my leg.

He plucks their roses,
so,

viciously.

09-06 Collateral Damage

The Queen of the North,
once, whispered to me scandalously,
of damages, warning me,
as she picked flecks of ice,
from her poised eyebrows,
a day would come...

Tim. A day will come.

smoldering, I licked,
my cauterized wounds,
flashing the pink underflap,
of my new wings,
still drying in the sun,
shrugging my shoulders.

Tim. A day will come.

in a bramble of roses,
the knight of the garden stops me,
while pruning the bushes for the fall,
petals rotting sticking to his wet, leather soaked sandals,
waving the freshly  sharpened shears at me,
he pauses,

Tim. A day will come.

the rose in my hand, blooms,
petals fall from my palms
butterflies in the garden,
close my eyes, fly,
I wish,
shrugging my shoulders,
in a garden of roses,
I wish,
knowing,

Tim. A day will come.

09-05 What The Guitar Said

you said you'd curl up in front of a fire,
if you could,
as you waited for it to rain,
I knew you should,
curl up in front of the fire,
wait out the rain,
if you could,

oh, I wish I had a guitar for this song,
steel strings for feeling,
laid back, grooving,
oh, I wish I played a guitar,

when you said,
you talked of adventure,
as if we'd been there,
and back again, penny whistle now,
and then,
you're on you're way,
as if I'd been there,
and back again, penny whistle,


oh I wish I had a guitar for this song,
steel strings, for fingers,
laid back feelings,
grooving on a wish,
for a guitar to play,

striking a match,
burnt broken by my side,
smoke in the night unfurls,
I shouldn't worry about your vices,
I've got mine,
curling into the night, smoke
unwrapping in gold foil,
I,
well,

wish I had a guitar for this song,
laying back on steel strings,
fingers feeling the groove,
on a wish when the guitar plays,
feeling the grove,
fingers laying back on steel strings,
playing a guitar for this song.

09-04 Girls

faerie,
settled on my eyelids,
dust
to sleep,
to sleep,
to dream,
of

sunshine
rocking her crown,
on a painted porch,
breaking shards of glass,
cut from her hair,
falling in the midnight rain,
red ruby lips crying,
love,

him,
the one who carries snow on his breath,
bringing winter in his hands,
ice shaping,
the curve of his hungry once-eaten summer,
smiling satiated,
for the moment,
but always,
circling, circling,
hungry,

I, the other beautiful girl,
casually sharpening the blades of my feathers,
picking at silver threads,
watching the stars at my fingertips,
awake slowly,
in the purple flash on the horizon,
watching,

these beautiful girls,
with my silver needle,
pricking,


these beautiful girls,
to sleep,
to sleep,

to dream...

09-03 This House

This house.

This temporary stop-over solution.
has-

a kitchen nook built for drinking coffee
where I sit writing this poem,
drinking my chopped, strained, soaked, local blend,
from a press built for two, beneath a money tree,
that's made the trip from Tahoe to Portland
and still manages to smile in the morning years later.

a biggish bedroom filled with light and noise from the street,
but mostly,
a glaring of brilliant sunlight soaking into
the polished yellow grain of a replaced  hardwood floor,
where my things pile into zipped and organized past lives-
my nest collecting dog hair in the re-construction efforts

a couch,
green, big, wide, where I curled up, last night,
watching you from on a distance on the big screen fight zombies,
hugging them, batterering them with your butterball of joyness,

while,
falling slowly

I sat down,
I sat down,
not willing to move,
I didn't move,
watching you on the screen,
on this couch big enough for two,

thinking,
about red balloons floating away-

this house.

09-02 Mr. Behr (Reprise)

I am sad tonight.
(Mr. Behr).
I am glad you liked the pink roses,
but I miss my friend.

09-01 Other People

I sat in the car trying to tell you,
you don't love me,
you don't love me,
you don't know how,
you don't love me,
you don't,
when really I wanted to tell you-

how could you?

How could you know,
the day was spent watching-

other people

smile at each other,
look at each other,
whisper to each other,
in a way no one has,
smiled at me,
looked at me,
whispered to me,
and I wanted to be-
you and me as

other people,

smiling at each other,
looking at each other,
whispering to each other,
instead it was,

only me,

smiling at them,
looking at them,
whispering to myself,
wanting them to-

look at me,

so I texted you,
asked you to dance,
asked you to come by,
asked you to look at me,
but
you said- no.

So I couldn't-

smile at you,
look at you,
whisper to you,
like-

other people,

you told me,
it's okay,
we're new,
we are not-

other people

we don't know how,
to smile at each other,
look at each other,
whisper to each other,
but what I heard
was-

gay.


How could you know?

08-31 Blessing

lavender blessings,

each one,

a sprig of

awkwardness extending,

each one,

stems in water holding,

each one,

bending to roses,

budding,

each one 

unsure as the gardener growing,

each one,

a lavender blessing

08/30 Words

ivory and black,
keys melting into
white chocolate
smudging around
strokes of charcoal,
brushing from
fingertips soft
blushing paint
forming
into-
you.