07-29 hug.

Hey you.
up there,
out there,
it's Tim,
I'm here,
yeah,
that guy,
but,
hey,
um,
listen,
I'm doing what I can,
but,
it feels,
like,
maybe,
I don't know how to say this,
or I,
don't want to too,
I shouldn't question,
I know,
and now I'm babbling,
but listen,
this,
what you want,
I'm not sure,
I'm feeling kind of shaky,
light's getting dim,
if you know what I mean,
maybe you understand metaphors,
I hope,
you probably already know,
but,
hey,
maybe I am asking too much?

hug, then?

07-28 When You Care

when you care.

it's like grabbing the
greased black handle,
of the chef's knife,
protruding from my eye,
and asking me
over the roar of my screaming,
why I can't see it's hurting you?

07-27 What Mary Knew

I know why,
Mary, had an umbrella,
When the skies,
turned blue,
cause when the wind blew,
Mary, like me knew.

07-26 Snowdrift (For Leaf)

Gather.

your leaves,
your apricots,
your apples,

in a bottle of,
bubbles,

your sparrows,
your ravens,
your tigers,

in a pint glass of
sun,

your smiles,
your words,
your thoughts,

(then)
Drink.

to the end,
of,

your evening,
your day,
your song,

and watch- snow,
drift into piles,
on stools at the bar.

07-25 Not My House

This house isn't mine anymore,
salmon and green waiting room,
broken air-conditioning,
I twist,
uncomfortable,
in the full moon night,
the blossoming slow burn,
scratching a dry fever,
beneath the mania of my skin,
praying the palms together,
the last of the alaska sage,
pleading,
my shoulders tight,
built,
snap to my ass,
walking on tiptoes,
bending to clean,
blood droplets on the floor,
the edge of the stage
closer,
closer,
closer,
can't see in the heat of the lights,
and the rain came,
when the rain came,
and the rain came,
you were standing in the sun,
but the rain came,
when the rain came,
casually on the couch,
buttons pressing,
snipping instagram
basil,
zuchinni,
I'm not hungry,
I'm not,
maybe if I forget to breathe,
I'll remember how.

I want a new place to live,
this isn't comfortable to me anymore.

07-24 When The Light Changed

What happened?
Oh?
everything and nothing,
he said with a casual,
half-forgotten smile
everything and nothing.

I watched him tuck,
and fold,
his
smile,
into the corners,
of his mouth,
looking down,
to smooth,
the flowing,
wind-catcher,
skirt,
covering,
his legs,
then,
leaning back,
he hesitated,

everything and nothing.

07-23 Bitch Slap This Raisin.

Come on, people.
You know me.
Really?
I am male.
I do dumb shit.
I ain't no boy cryin' wolf
bitch please,
you mean well,
hugs, dig it, talks, right on,
but honey,
when was the last time I asked you,
to:
grow up,
give up,
shut down,
calm down,
chill out,
grill out,
cave in,
freak-in',
raisins, love 'em.
sunlight, gotta have it.
defer this,
Yeah.
Sigh.

07-22 50 Words of Advice- For Jordan

grip the rail,
but not too tightly,
ride the swell,
but take it lightly,
watch for whales,
but not too closely-
breathe between the waves.

sanity is a whipped-up confectionery dream,
for starving fools to dip in chocolate,
while the rest of us,
gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free,
carnivores,
choke on almonds.

07-20 Cocktail

I had.

one benadryl,
pot,

traffics of crashing cars,
in my head,
earthquaked cracks in my heart,

and all I could do is
stare at the knives,
and go,
really?

07-19 Fool of a Boy

cradle me,
please,
that' really all
I want,
is to,
fall asleep,
in your arms,
nothing more,
you fool of a boy,
you think this is about-

tomorrow,
friendship,
understanding,
romance,
sex,
regret,
forgiveness,
love,

tomorrow is for the morning.

07-18 I Name You

I don't know who invited you in.

But get out.

Get out of my house.
Get out of my life.
Get out of my heart.

Now.

You are not welcome here.

I know you are there.
Tater knows you are there.
The wind gives you away.

(death in one hand, life in the other)

My skin crawls with your sickness.

You.
Are.
Not.
Welcome.
Here.

in my house,
in my life,
in my heart,

and I will,

hunt you,
chase you,
find you,
name you,

love,
you.

so get out.

now.

07-17 For The Good Of The House

If you don't want to be your father,
then don't slap me,
like he did,
slipping gloves onto your hands,

for the good of the house,
for the good of the house,

doesn't make the,
words any prettier,
like my face,
blushing,
when you remember,
to tell me,
afterwards,

you love me,
you love me,
you love me,

for the good of the house,

stop.

07-16 I'm Gonna Leave You

I try.
I try.
I felt peace.
I slept for three hours.
I forgot,
for three hours,
I slept,
and

then,
the crazy,
sweating,
convulsing,
unpredictable,
please hold me,
smacked me,
across the face,
while I hid,
from his abuse,
in a hole in my bed,
grabbing at the air,
at my beard,
at my dog,

I don't understand.
I don't.

it wasn't you
it wasn't me

it's

07-15 Mouse

I will always imagine-
you.
with a
cigarette-
semi-lit,
dangling from your mouth,
like a gay,
oh wait,
James Dean,
eyeing me idly,
like a lion,
eyes prey,
dispensing advice,
in repressed growls,
of affection and irritation,
in absent curls of smoke
while your paw slaps the paint,
on the board in careful,
measured strokes,
who are you talking to?

07-14 Willow At Laurelhurst

She arrived.

wedding lace and cobwebs draped,

She.

slow, tilted, wattled, and bent,
twisted,
heavy,
plummeting,
her lids and crows,
laughing,
larger,
wider,
orange bead dripping,
amber glass and incense,
swaying a bugle in her butt

She owned.
space.
frightfully aware,
she owned.

space.

cymbals clanged from her ears
drums hummed between her toes
and yet

she
grace
cracked
full
gathered
us
in

and
owned

space.

07-13 When Will You?

I am blushing,
uncomfortable,
as the summer breeze,
tickling my arms,
in
the opening,
pink,
of a rose petal,
unfurling,
a soft,
kiss,
of a memory,
I want to have.

oh when,
will you?

07-12 Kitchen PDA

I almost burnt
my last two eggs
(eyebrow raised)
trying to fathom
why both of you felt
a sentence should
end with a
 -lick.

07-11 Promises To Keep

If I need to scream,
a J-miraz-slapped down syllable,
into your ear,
I won't,
I have promises to keep,
but I will whisper,
to myself,
not gonna give up,
every time you are near,
so,
you can take all the tea in china,
and throw it on that teasing morrison smirk of your face,
because I already cursed myself,
with love, love, love, love,
crazy,
years ago,
and that was before,
I decided to cross the wide Missouri,
in search of someone like you,
before,
I stopped over,
to watch the northern woods fills up with snow,
near a river I could skate away on,
before,
I shoved that whiny bitch, Eponine, off stage,
to scream a bloody rage of roses into the mic,
so,
just a warning,
my heart beats likes a bubble gum pop stereo on cocaine,

but all you will hear,
when I walk the miles to go before I sleep,

is the piano,
playing,
softly,
gently,
into the night-

there ought to be clowns.

07-10 Constipated Rythms

If I try to write this first line,
any more times,
I might throw the phone,
Out the car window.

Oh wait.

... maybe you heard me shout,

damn you for being right.

07-09 Snow Falling Soft (reprise)

Like snow falling soft,
on your breath,
you are leaving...

Like snow falling soft,
on your breath,
you are leaving...

I heard you cry out in the night,
A thousand stars lit up your sky,
I heard you cry out, I closed my eyes,
When a thousand stars in your heart took flight.

Like snow falling soft,
on my breath,
you were leaving...

Like snow falling soft,
on my breath, 
you were.

A thousand stars in my heart took flight.

7-8 For Josh- Ten Years Too Late

I wrote this letter to you years ago,

when you were a new beautiful to me,

in a letter,

that I found,

that told you how beautiful you are to me.

I didn't realize that it was you,

I was writing too,

all those years ago,

Or,

I would have given it to you, maybe,

I was/ am shy

Yet…

In my hands are words

that tell me I am falling in love with,

someone,

who doesn't exist anymore,

someone,

who has already moved on,

to love someone,

 who didn't write this letter,

how could he?

Who was I then?

Who was I then to you?

Yet…

today, when you sang,

I heard his voice,

and,

and,

and I wanted to tell him, I can,

hear his voice with a poem in a letter,

that he is loved, 

ten years too late to hold him,

ten years too late to remind him,

how beautiful he is,

with a kiss,

ten years too late to tell him,

that I am falling for him,

and,

I don’t understand how,

don’t mistake me,

please don’t mis-understand,

you, today, are amazing-funny-cute-adorable,

but,

this letter isn't to you,

it’s for him,

the guy with the voice,

the one I heard today,

ten years too late,

and

can you let him know,

I am sorry I didn't send him this letter,

and can you let him know,

that he is still,

forever always,

beautiful,

to me. 

07-7 I Can't

I can't.

place a white rose on the porch of your worksite,
because it's not your porch.

What would an old man do in a chair with a rose,
that has not already been written in a poem before?

write you a song to ease the worry of my night
because my roommate has asked for silence.

How could she listen to a song written in the shape of a heart
that doesn't fit between her ears?

send you a text to shout out in the dark,
because lately you haven't been shouting back.

What would you write besides goodnight,
that wasn't already said in well-rehearsed prose in my head?

call you to ask and to wonder,
because it's 1:35 a.m. in the morning,
and I am worried you'll answer,
What would I say then to you, but,

I can't

07/06 Don't Let It Be You

I don't know if you know how to love me,
I don't know if I know how to let you.
You tell me not to try,
to be myself,
yet you leave,
you leave,
you leave,
and I,
reach,
for a hand,
and you leave,
you leave,
you leave,
yet,
I water my garden.
I bake biscuits.
I feed the dog.
I take a shower.
I don't know how to
sing it,
this time,
I don't know,
if,
I want to know how,
anymore,
so,
don't give up on me,
please,
don't give up on me,
please,
don't
leave,
not you,
not you,
please,
don't leave,
I know,
the trash needs to be taken out,
the lawn needs to be mowed,
and I have a song to write,
let me sing in love,
let me live in love,
let me understand,
please,
let it be me,
just don't,
let it be you.

7-05 There You See Him...

Sha-la-la-la, la, la
my-oh-my...

You.
sex-driven,
scruff-shadowed,
sweet-smiled,
sky-eyed,
arm-muscled,
burnt-shouldered,
bald-polished,
shirt-unbuttoned,
hair-bellied,
speedo-wearing,
butch-riding,
sultry-singing,
meat-basting,
cub-growling
brute of a
painting fool...

Sebastian
is screaming opera
in your ears.

07-04 Code Brown

the last moment of innocence,
abruptly faltered into the night,
as the star-spangled banner,
bugle-strangled by hours of fatigued,
decided it had enough,
and bed,
was prompted,
called,
and needed,
but not before one last drunk firework in the sky,
as the arm of the milky way,
splattered, spun,
bursting in an enigma of wow,
across the midnight sky,


till

3:00
code brown.
oh god,
oh god,
no really,

shitballs.

07-03 Jag

Black.
Three strikes and your out,
eyes watching,
gold, gold flakes,
swimming through the ferns,
sun-licking,
follow,
sit-on-my-lap,
but don't touch me,
at the table,
every night,
you,
participated in conversation,
and loved the only way you could,
heart,
kiss,
pet,
hug.

07/02 Before I Wake

before I wake,
the heart is breathing,
everything I feel,
filling a night sky full
of falling stars,
breathing,
everything I feel,
is breathing,
with my heart,
untethered,
it hurts,
it hurts so much,
to feel the dawn
reaching out to me,
calling me,
to breathe,
with the running of the sun,
to wake and breathe,
with the running of the sun,
when
everything I feel,
in the falling, rising star,
breathes within my heart,
as I wake

07/01- This Is How My Mother Hugs Me

silver soft,
through,
layers of chocolate,
reveal,
whipped between layers,
of

creamed sugar, cocoa, butter,
slathered, carefully, twisted,
never delicate, but sturdy

gathered honey-combed crumb,
of a

cold reprieve,
from the scorching,
glare of July.

6-30 in the tiki room

Polite.
Listening.
Shock in your,
delicate,
practiced,
eyelashes.

Yet
You let him
whisper, tongue,
in your ears,
fiddling,
stiff, bored, confused,
flattering, playing,
you left,
I didn't want you too.

While others sang,
heart, mind,
he smacked the waiter,
with abuse he felt,
the cycle of his past,
buzzing, smoldering,
in his fingertips,
raking my thighs,
waiting,
patience,
flirtation,
done, he left,
smiling cause he knew,
moments pass,

cracks,
knots,
his heart gathers,
while his back grieves,
searching, flipping,
searching, drinking,
what does he have?
slamming, offering,
you will, dammit, you will,
he never takes no,
but he cannot leave,
he cannot,
he won't let himself,
so I do,
before I am gathered too